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Things you should KNOW about Alabama

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    Posted: September/04/2009 at 19:36
First you must learn how to pronounce the major cities...Burminham;
Huntsvul; Mobeeeel

Driving Information:
Alabama has its own version of traffic rules. The truck with the loudest
exhaust goes next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires
goes after that. Note: Blue-haired ladies driving anything have the
right-of-way anytime.

To find anything in Burminham, it is required that you know where
Malfunction Junction is, which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and
the end. It may be one of only two 'cloverleaf formation' interchanges
in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough
to implement it again Atlanta -- making them only a wee bit dumber than
we are..

The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 . The evening rush hour is
from 3:00 to 7:00 . Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If the
term 'merging delays' is ever used by the person reporting the traffic,
even in passing, call in to work and tell them that you will be at least
30 minutes late regardless of where you are in your commute.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least)
rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and
female drivers alike.

You must know that 'I-459,' 'I-59,' 'I-20,' and 'I-65' are the same
road. They just loop around, cutting in and out of each other's path. We
think this was a ploy utilized to confuse outsiders and discourage
visitors after the War of Northern Aggression.

Always, always, always, find out if it is a race or football weekend
before you get on any of these highways to travel somewhere. If it is a
race or football weekend, stay home. You won't be pleasantly going
anywhere else.

Construction is a permanent fixture in Alabama . The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a
little more interesting.

If someone has their turn signal on, wave them over to the shoulder
immediately to let them know -- you can be sure it was 'accidentally
activated'.  The minimum acceptable speed on 'I-65' (see above) is 85
mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

This is also Alabama 's state-highway-sponsored version of NASCAR --
especially during rush hour (see above) and everyone in the city is
driving at once, bumper-to-bumper. If you are in the left lane and only
going 70 in a 55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be
'flipped a bird' accordingly.

Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is
applying make-up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and
maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If
she is coming from north of Burminham, she might be packing. If she is
coming from south of Burminham, she IS packing and is not afraid to use
it.

Weather Information:

If it's 110 degrees, Thanksgiving could be next weekend. If it's 10-20
degrees and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Burminham residents
consider this 'demolition derby' day and will be all over the roads
(front ways, sideways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could
be the next target.

Seasonal Information:

If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.

If you need to let the car 'get some air' while standing next to it with
the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside
to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer.

If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is
Fall.

If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.

General Information:


Do not ever speak during the song ' Sweet Home Alabama '
unless it is to sing along with the lyrics. This is a form of heresy and
will erupt in a brawl if everyone doesn't show 'proper respect' to the
band who gave us Free Bird. This is especially true if alcohol is
present (notice I didn't say 'sold at this event,' but 'present').

Yes, we know that Vulcan is mooning the entire city of Burminham. It's
not that funny to us anymore, and by now we're used to it.

If you ask someone for a 'coke,' they will often ask you, 'What kind?'
This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr.
Pepper, Root Beer, etc., it is all 'coke'.

All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you are in a Chinese restaurant or
have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line .

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 of them live in
Alabama .

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama, plus a
couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

People actually grow and eat okra.

'Fixinto' is one word.

There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're two.  We do like a little tea with our sugar!

Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.

DGeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it
is.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes.

You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car .. . . for your OWN car.

There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but
require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm'.

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no stinking driver's ed ... if our mama says we can drive,
we can drive.

If you understand these jokes please forward them to your
friends from   Alabama (and those who just wish they were).
EVERYONE can't be an Alabamian; it takes talent.  You might say it's an
art form or a gift from God!
Opinion,untempered by fact,is ignorance.

There are some who do not fear death... for they are more afraid of not really living
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mike650 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/04/2009 at 19:48


Edited by mike650 - September/05/2009 at 07:49
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote RONK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/04/2009 at 21:41
 
Thank you for that valuable Public Service Announcement, Dan.
 
It may come in handy if I should ever get really lost while going to Texas or Florida.
 
(Just kidding; I wouldn't ever go to Florida!)
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HuntMaster Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/04/2009 at 22:40
Refreshing,isn't it? It is also ALL True !Excellent
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cheaptrick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/05/2009 at 06:23

 southridesagain.jpg South Will Rise Again image by BuckyDuster

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 3_tens Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/05/2009 at 09:00
Dangnation KB, didden know you could type that much at one time.
Folks ain't got a sense of humor no more. They don't laugh they just get sore.

Need to follow the rules. Just hard to determine which set of rules to follow
Now the rules have changed again.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/05/2009 at 10:48
It took a week...
Opinion,untempered by fact,is ignorance.

There are some who do not fear death... for they are more afraid of not really living
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bugsNbows Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/05/2009 at 14:37
I went to Alabama once................................that was enough. Big Grin
If we're not suppose to eat animals...how come they're made of meat?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mike650 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/05/2009 at 14:46

Fish to Live, Live to Hunt
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 13:46
Hey, I know that guy... (the deer). 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cheaptrick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 13:53
Um...Steelbenz is viewing this thread as I type.
Ya'll better straighten up now, ya hear?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 13:54
Dan, you missed only one thing I can think of.  If she's from "Over the Mountain" she has a gun AND a lawyer.   LOL!!!
"Don't argue with a fool! From a distance you can't really tell who's who!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 13:55
He hasn't posted to it yet... must have been stuck on 459
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 13:55
I was only verifying the info. carry on!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 13:57
It's good to have a "fact checker" who is familiar with the information...
Opinion,untempered by fact,is ignorance.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 13:58
I use to have to drive thru malfunction junction on my way to work.  had AK shells bounce off the hood of my truck one night too.  That was back before they "cleaned up Downtown"  LOL yea right!!
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 13:59
Now i drive 459 to 20/59
less headache,  unless your in hoover

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steelbenz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 14:00
Oh, and the best thing that ever came out of Auburn is...................... Highway 280.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/06/2009 at 14:23
I have no dog in that fight...
Opinion,untempered by fact,is ignorance.

There are some who do not fear death... for they are more afraid of not really living
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jonoMT Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/07/2009 at 07:47
I've only driven through there once, going from Florida to Lousiana, so I guess it was about as little as you can see of the state. I sure do like the Dreamland BBQ sauce I get every Christmas from our friends that go down there to visit Gramma Bea. I always try to cook up a decent pulled pork to match.
Reaction time is a factor...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mike650 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/07/2009 at 13:26
                                          Alabama Bass Boat

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/07/2009 at 13:34
Originally posted by mike650 mike650 wrote:

                                          Alabama Bass Boat


HOW WRONG YOU ARE... Bass boats have to go at least 60mph.  That is a house boat... (trailer house).
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mike650 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/07/2009 at 13:37
Originally posted by Kickboxer Kickboxer wrote:

Originally posted by mike650 mike650 wrote:

                                          Alabama Bass Boat


HOW WRONG YOU ARE... Bass boats have to go at least 60mph.  That is a house boat... (trailer house).



Big Grin
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kickboxer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: September/07/2009 at 13:52
That's is a RICH man's house boat...
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